Sunday, January 03, 2016

What do you want?

So the past year I've taken a respite from blogging and writing. I often think about writing but once I sit down, I just can't write. I think it's because of guilt.  Guilt that I'm not spending that time with my daughter, or exercising, or working on my business. My new year's resolution is to give myself permission to do what my soul needs.  I need to write. I need to be creative. I need to find time for myself to discover.  Discover Who I am. What I Want. What I Want to Do. Now.  For the first time in my life, I am having difficulty articulating that which indicates that I'm at a crossroad.  I can keep moving forward which is always the default but that's just more of this restlessness, more spinning. I'm a goal oriented person.  I need a goal, a finish line, a checkpoint.  However, I can't seem to define the goal that I want to reach. I have so many what ifs, so many directions and choices. I've always looked within and then followed that pull but that pull is not going in a singular direction. I've started my practice. I became a parent. Now I'm trying to be a good mom and a successful attorney but there are areas that are suffering and time is short. I want to be healthy, fit so that I can give my daughter the gift of longevity. I want to have  a romantic relationship with my husband but a three year old will kill the mood every time and by the time we have a few moments to ourselves, we both reach for the pillow to catch some shuteye or the laptop to accomplish a few more work tasks. Round and round we go.