Tuesday, January 23, 2007

[Not] Making the Grade

Yesterday, I received my last final grade. Unfortunately for me there were no miracles and no mercy from the Professor. I got exactly what I feared (and deserved)thanks to a semester spent spiraling out of control with the overwhelming demands of the journal, an internship and a tough courseload. I found out quickly that I was not that kind of student nor was I Superwoman. This is a very OLD pattern for me that started back in undergrad and continud throughout my career. I always like to bite off more than I can chew just to prove that I can do so and do it well. But it always costs me in the end - loss of my sense of self and further discovery of who I am, stress on a relationship, and health problems. It usually boils down to pride, which by the way, has a depraved sense of reality. Law school curriculums were not designed to allow students to work at a job or extracurricular activity more than studying. Lesson learned? Never ever will I overextend myself in such a way in the hopes of getting employment AFTER law school. First I have to get THROUGH law school. I didn't fail the course but I have created yet another obstacle for myself. An obstacle that I can overcome in time but an obstacle nonetheless. Most of all, I am very disappointed in myself for not realizing that I had overextended myself earlier and that there would be a price to pay later. How many times do I have to repeat this lesson before I figure out the tell-tale signs before it's too late. I was knee-deep in denial and my puffed up ego. The upside is that although I did TERRIBLY in one class, I did WONDERFULLY in my other classes. So I'm not a total LOSER. ;-)