Monday, May 08, 2006

I hate being responsible

I'm not in a very good mood. I just sent an email to my team captain resigning from the team. I've been feeling a lot of pressure about racing this summer especially given the fact that I have two unpaid research positions that will hopefully yield some grant money in the fall. For now though I've got to pay the rent. Luckily I got a nice tax return that will help with that but will have no discretionary income to support a racing schedule. Most of the entry fees are $25 a pop plus with the rising gas prices, the travel and lodging expenses will also be expensive. I'm really upset about it. I was hopeful to have a summer that kind of resembled my carefree days of racing - making new friends, camping out, having a great time. Oh well, I can still do that without spending the money. It would be like I'm throwing it away at this point. I mean I'm not so good that I will win every race and get a pro deal, so why bother? I would much rather save my pennies and go on MTB trips to Arizona, Utah, Colorado, West Virginia. Plus I don't really feel a sense of community here in Boston that I felt in Nashville. It's too competitive. That's all I can say for now. Grrrrrr....

****UPDATE**** My team captain refuses to let me quit. She was very empathetic and told me that I'm on the team no matter what and if I can't race that much, it's no big deal. Just race or ride when I can. YAY! I'm still on the team and now there's no pressure, only what I put on myself.